Tennessee Volunteers

This is an excerpt from the book 'The Totally Biased Guide to Southern College Football' by Pete Davis, available now on Amazon.com's Kindle for just 99 cents at:  amazon.com/dp/B005FRFMYW

And you can follow me on twitter: @petedavis1 

 

TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS

            Based in Knoxville, Gateway to Pigeon Forge.

Knoxville once held a World’s Fair.  Really.  Never heard about that?  Don’t worry nobody else did either.  It was in 1982 and its greatest legacy to the region is paved roads.

The only people who actually attended were folks from Nashville and Atlanta who thought another Six Flags had opened up.  The biggest attraction was Deliverance World, in which unsuspecting sausage-fed Germans were led to their doom.

            Nearby Pigeon Forge actually does have an amusement park and is home to a national monument, Dolly Parton.  The area is known for its mountains.  She is also the most popular ride. 

            After crying babies on transatlantic flights and Celine Dion singing the theme from ‘Titanic’the University of Tennessee’s band is infamous for making the third-most annoying sound in Western Civilization---the incessant playing of ‘Rocky Top’ after every big play, score, sneeze, and breath taken on the field.  When the groundskeeper chalks the lines the band strikes up the tune.

            It is the only song they can remember and despite playing it over and over ad nauseam it never seems to grow old with UT fans, much like incest and moonshine stills.  It’s one of 7000 official state songs.

            For some inexplicable reason several artists have covered the tune, including Ms. Parton, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, and Phish. Columbia Records pressured Frank Sinatra to sing it but he chose to die instead.      

            Felice and Boudleaux Bryant took only ten minutes to write the damn thing in the Gatlinburg Inn in 1967.  I guess they got bored playing Tic-Tac-Toe with the live chicken in a box that town is famous for.  Ten minutes to create a lifetime of musical misery.  In a recent survey folks were asked what they would do with a time machine.  The top answer was to go back in time and meet Jesus.  The second was to stop the JFK assassination.  The third was to go back in time and kill Felice and Boudleaux Bryant.

            Proving the FBI has a sense of humor, the crime-fighting group used the title as a code name for an operation in the 1980s in which they caught several Tennessee politicians with their hands in the cookie jar.  The NCAA should take a cue from this action.

            The official fight song is ‘Down the Field’.  No one ever remembers hearing that one because it is a fine tune with a lovely medley, thus making it sound harsh to the average Vols fan.        

            The nickname Volunteers comes from the fact Tennessee is known as the Volunteer State.  In the War of 1812 they gained that reputation, especially during the Battle of New Orleans, which was actually fought after the peace treaty had been signed.  It was the first example of Vols piling on after a play was over.

            Their colors are orange and white.  Not the vibrant, alive orange of Clemson, but a sickly, pale cousin, much like their own ‘human’ cousins.

            Take some Push-up ice cream, leave it out in the sun until it melts, and you’ll get a color akin to Volunteer orange.

The color scheme came from daisies growing near the classrooms in 1891. If that idea was followed today the school colors might be the green of a marijuana leaf.

If you like what you've read so far just wait until you see the rest about Tennessee and all the other SEC schools, as well as Texas, Texas A&M, Clemson, Georgia Tech, Florida State and Miami. It's all in 'The Totally Biased Guide to Southern College Football' by Pete Davis and available for the price of a Whopper Jr. on Kindle at:  Amazon.com/dp/B005FRFMYW

And you can follow me on twitter: @petedavis1